Hear me out...

Quickie

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 01:40:00 +0000

My holiday in Singapore is coming to an end. I've really enjoyed myself, and the hospitality of my host family has been just wonderful.

A few things has been happening, I'm not sure if it's really good, or what, but they are sure making my head spin, because of the unexpectedness.

I have a lot to think about, I have decisions to make. I believe nothing will spoil what I have now, but, time will tell.

The point is, I wish I didn't have to go home, but I need to. I have spent too much time away. Although I am still welcomed here, it is time for me to leave.

Thank you, Wen Wen, David, Pei Lee, Wei Hoong and Wen Wen's aunty and uncle, for making my holiday such a memorable one.

I'm Back

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 01:50:00 +0000

I am back from the most awesome outdoor youth camp!

Won't be getting pics yet, therefore will blog about it some time later.

Woohoo!!!

I'm still on a high from all the activities.

I miss all of you from camp...

Home vs KL

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 02:42:00 +0000

Quite a number of my hometown friends want to, if possible, don't leave Sitiawan. Sitiawan is where we grew up, our home, our roots. Life is so much slower. No one is in a hurry all the time. There is plenty of space for everyone.

But I prefer to stay in KL, at least for now. Because KL is a place to get things done. To work, to play, to do anything, except relax. Now is not the time for me to relax. I have to get my Masters paperwork done. I cannot do that in Sitiawan.

Sitiawan is for relaxing. When I'm back home, I just want to laze around, and not go out from the house. I don't want to run around doing errands with my mum, like I run around here in KL. I just want to sleep and basically do nothing.

KL, Sitiawan, two totally different places, both having completely different functions for me. I'm starting to love KL, but never the same way as I love Sitiawan. I'm a pure bred Sitiawan girl, and nothing can change this.

I miss gong piang

Source

Ken

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:37:00 +0000

Why would I dream of Ken Chan Yik Wai?

I have a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y no idea.

What happened in the dream:

I had this exponential graph, and I was supposed to turn it into a log graph. Problem was, I didn't know how to do it *what a scary thought!*. One of the few basics in maths, and I couldn't do it! Anyway, Ken was nice enough to teach me.

So I had this beautiful linear graph. Then. Beer-Lambert law. Another basic in spectophotometry. I should know this! I should, I really should! How could I have no idea what it is??!!?? And once again, Ken was my hero.

I think I spent a good half hour awake trying to remember the formula, because Ken didn't give it to me in my dream. In the end, I just got up and googled for it.

What am I dreaming about? Exams are over! Even in this relaxing period I'm still thinking of my school work? Am I really working so hard? And what is the significance of Ken being in my dream?

LOL!

Wai ah Wai, you see la, even in my sleep I still think of you o... Are you feeling touched? Haha...

Ex

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:17:00 +0000

I was chatting with a friend, about a certain someone, and another friend (with absolutely no connection to my first friend), asked 'Are you over your ex?' @@ *stunned* Suddenly, out of the blue, this question.

Anyway, I just replied, 'I guess so.', and he asked another question, 'Do you feel you were a good girlfriend?' @@! *stunned again* What the... He has never talked about this to me before, and it's so unexpected, coming from him.

Never mind what other questions he had for me after that. Was I a good girlfriend? That got me thinking. My hometown friends said we were perfect together, but, did I think we were perfect? Did he think we were perfect?

He said I was good to him, always concerned for him, taking care of him when he is sick, comforting him when he was down, boosting him even higher when he was up.

Is this the characteristics of a good girlfriend? Maybe I'm shallow, maybe I'm immature, but I feel it's up to each partner to describe their other half, because it's that person's opinion that counts, and not other people's.

To be able to feel hurt, is to be able to feel love. Anyway, I'll be seeing him quite a lot soon, as I *might* be travelling to Singapore with him.

Hm...

Thanks

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 02:27:00 +0000

Thank you for the wonderful weekend. Even though it caused major lack of sleep for us who had fun, it was definitely worth it.

Kok Sheng, Kim Lup, Kelvin, Sally, Kheng Hooi, Li Yun, Khai Shen, Precillia, Sok Yin, Ban... All attended the so-callled co-curriculum. Seems like our group is growing, erm, need to introduce members' fees now? Lol...

Thank you Sok Yin and Kok Sheng, for allowing me to crash at both your places. I want to quickly settle everything, so I can get a room for myself, and don't disturb you.

So what's up next? I know Ms Ong's KL dinner, Christmas countdown and New Year countdown. Aiming for the New Year one, since I have my own plans in between.

It's gonna be a blast!

Eff

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:11:00 +0000

Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut, but I was trying to be nice. I guess it didn't exactly pay off the way I wanted it.

Emotions. Personality. Took a test, and the results were so accurate. I won't elaborate much here, because, as the test satate, I don't often like to explain myself.

Get a grip, I need to get a grip. I think I am scaring people away. The tantrum today, it was bad. I felt bad afterwards.

I want to talk to someone, but I know the answer already.

I'm such an idiot.

F-!

Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 13:05:00 +0000

* I'm so lazy to update properly and I don't have pics

I've been spending a lot of time with my friends. Wen Wen was back for a week, and I was out with the gang almost every single night. It's great meeting him again, even though I met him in Semenyih a few weeks back. He invited us to Singapore for Christmas, and I guess I'll be accepting.

Just came back from Ms Ong's wedding dinner in Ipoh. The SRC gang. Even though I'm not in the committee, it's still great that we can hang out. Really crazy weekend in Ipoh, everyone slept over at SR kor kor's house, played Killer until 5.30am, slept, woke up at 9am. Whoa!

Will be going to KL this Wednesday, so hopefully, I can meet my other KL friends too, esp Seen, haven't spoken to her for a looooong time... Haha... Staying at Sok Yin's place, no worries in not catching up with her.

Thank you, my friends.

Wish

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 06:33:00 +0000

For some reason, I've been dreaming about you, a lot, since that last Thursday. I realised I do miss you. Things are really different beween us. There is a space, a chasm, that is separating us, but then, we aren't together now, are we? I claimed that I am fine with the reason you gave me, but deep down, I guess I'm still questioning. I know you can't give me an answer that you think I would like to hear, you are not one to play around with me, we have built a level of trust that I believe we do not keep anything from each other.

I embraced my status willingly, because I love you. It is the right choice, because when I saw you, you were so bloody happy, that even though I ached a little, I was happy for you too. I was happy that there was no awkwardness among us, among the group. I was happy that I was able to attend the gathering. I've missed out on so much this year. What changed was that you were at one end of the table, and I was at the other.

These dreams have been getting to me lately. I thought I am fine. I know I am fine. But...

Why do I wish we were back together?

Dog Food

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:08:00 +0000

Know a dog who can actually say 'no' to food?
Know a dog who doesn't eat dog food unless forced to?
Know a dog who won't eat food unless it was cooked with salt?
Know a dog who takes his own sweet time eating?
Know a dog who won't eat unless my dad fed him? *Used to*
Know a dog who actually chews his food during meal times?

And now, the cream on the cake:
Know a dog who hurt me by refusing to eat what I cooked?
And it was cooked pig's liver, meat and rice!!!

Tonight's dinner: Chicken stew and rice

After taking his own sweet time...

I swear, Tango has a better choice of food than many other unfortunate people. He is able to turn his back on his dinner when it doesn't suit him... He actually left his plate of food for two whole days when he decided he didn't like it. And meanwhile, my mum gave him treats to sustain him.

=.=!!!

Dog experts will be staring in horror at the food he eats. He is able to eat most of the food in the no-no list for dog food and not get sick. In fact, he seems healthier than ever, the vet says. Really tong sampah dog. Yet, how can he be so choosy over his food, I do not understand.

Post dinner game with his little rubber fishy

He actually growled at it because it didn't squeek

Leader = Power?

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 12:52:00 +0000

* I think I will be shot because I feel I'm using a really harsh tone

Many things have been happening, and technically, it's none of my business. However, it involves the people who I call my friends, people who I call my hometown mates, uni mates. This still does not make it my business, but it makes me really upset to see them behaving the way they do.

You might say, I do not know the inside story. True, but what I know is, leadership comes with power, and you, have been misusing your power. Leadership has gone to your head. Your senior was bad enough, and you, are worse. Yes, I graduated a few years ago, but that doesn't mean I am not updated enough to know what is happening.

And you. Everyone has different opinions, and as a leader, you are the coordinator. You coordinate, you do not run the whole show, although people who support you will go along with what you want. I've been there, done that, and you know what? It saves the hassle of me planning, because you'll do it for me. Oh, I'm being sarcastic.

You too. Just because you are not the leader this time, doesn't mean you stir up trouble. Why is there no ceremony at the end of this year? Who do you want to blame? Why do you want to blame? Yea, that's right, point fingers at each other. That's the best you can do? The result? Those that are NOT troublemakers do not get the awards they deserve.

I am mad. I am sad. I am the outsider, the spectator, watching the show, the circus, the whole damn freaking act.

To be able to lead, is not to display your power. To display your power, is to show your insecurity. When you are a good leader, you do not need a display of power. People will naturally follow, because they need to, not because they have to.

Believe in yourself. Believe that you are able to be a leader. Believe in your followers. Believe that they will support you in everyway they can.

I have met some great people, around my age, who are wonderful leaders. One of them is Ah Boon. I am serious. He is one which I will gladly follow, no questions asked. I am not exactly sure of how he managed us that time, but I do know, if there was a chance, I'd choose him again.

Being a leader is not easy. Some are born leaders, they find leadership a snap of the fingers. People like me, however, have to work at it. I am not perfect. I try to think of the people whom I look up to, I listen to what they have to say, I remind myself of their flaws and strong points. And I try to get feedback from people who I am dealing with.

From what I studied in Interpersonal Communication, disagreements arise because of miscommunications. Sometimes the problem lies with the speaker, sometimes with the listener. It's all in the communication skills. The speaker has to find ways to get the point across gently, and the listener has to listen, not to hear.

I sure do hope you guys stop bickering like little children, and start acting like adults.

When

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:32:00 +0000

Sometimes,

When the sun is shinning, and the sky is so nice and bright, suddenly you receive news that turns your whole world upside down.
You feel like your life is worthless, and that everything goes wrong, no matter what you do.

However,

When you're in that dark, grey world on your own, suddenly a friend calls, out of the blue, inviting you out for dinner.
You feel life is worth living again, because of a simple act of love, of friendship.

I know you don't read my blog, but, thank you my friend.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Only time

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 04:36:00 +0000

J. K., this is for you. Once, you asked me when, I couldn't answer, but I hope this song will explain everything that I can't.

Song Lyrics | Enya lyrics

Hurt

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:06:00 +0000

It's funny how it can hurt so much, when I'm asleep, until it wakes me up, and I can't close my eyes again, because the same scene will be playing over and over. No matter how I try to turn off my mind, it still comes back. I tell myself it is none of my business, and everyone has their own right, but that doesn't comfort me one bit. I do not want to think anymore about it, but there is nothing else for me to take my mind off things at the moment. I am still waiting for an email that determines my future. I want to focus on that, but what am I supposed to do when I'm waiting? That's when hurt comes in. I was so busy the past few weeks, I had so little time for my thoughts. It is a shield, being occupied, a shield to protect me from myself. I have a good imagination, sometimes too good, that I think too much, analyze too much.

I don't want to hurt, but, without the hurt, I don't think I can feel alive. Pain, and hurt, to me, it makes me feel, I am still living.

Sometimes

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 21:17:00 +0000

Sometimes, it is better to just refrain from speaking what I want to say, for fear it may destroy the relationship I have with a person.

Sometimes, it is better to just pretend nothing has happened, because it might just be a misunderstanding.

Sometimes, it is better to just forget what has happened, and look towards the future.

Sometimes, it is better to just completely relax, and enjoy myself.

Sometimes, it is better to just let go, and move on.

Sometimes, I just have to go with my instincts, and do what I think is best for me.

Composer

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:22:00 +0000

*Let me try to express myself and explain to my best ability...

My housemate has this friend, lets call him J. He's an amature composer, and a quite good guitarist and keyboardist. He asked my housemate to go over to a studio where he regularly records his songs, and she, in turn, asked me along.

The studio was so-so, enough facilities, but I do not want to talk about that. I want to talk about how I felt about the whole 'trip'.

J runs a one man show. You see, he wants more than one part in his music, in his songs, which usually means more than one person recording, right? He uses this software, which he connects to a keyboard, which he engineers the different sounds for different instruments. Nothing wrong in this.

But, his songs are 100% engineered. Fake, in my opinion. It totally eliminates the need for other players, other musicians. Maybe, he felt it is easier this way, without having to deal with people, especially when he is writing the scores.

Still, to create a 6 or 7 part song, and you just use yourself as the keyboardist, and you play all the parts on your own, using the different instruments available in the software, is this still called a band? Ok, so maybe you don't actually call it a band.

For me, music is to be played together. Sound engineering, audio engineering, may be used to enhance the music, not to completely create it. Where is the companionship, the relationships that are built through music? Between players?

Music is alive. It is not supposed to be something out from a computer. Initially, it *may* be. However, the final performance should be by real human beings, instead of a dumb computer. Music is to be felt, and that can only be achieved through people.

I believe many of the songs nowadays are engineered, and do correct me if I'm wrong, but their engineering is limited to editing the songs. I don't think that any artist or performer doesn't want credit for his/her performance.

As a musician, I am not a professional. But this is my comment to you, J: Although your songs are beautiful, they fall flat. Intonation, tone, volume, expression, they are all lacking. They will be lacking, in mechanically created sounds. You may be adjust all the settings, all the notes will be at perfect tempo, perfect beat. These are meaningless, if you do not put meaning into the song. Nothing is better than people, real people.

Good luck.

Prawns

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 10:42:00 +0000

I am so proud of myself today.

What did I do? I shelled prawns~!! For the first time!! Haha...

Unshelled prawns

Shelled prawns

Prawn crap

A little sugar on raw prawns and the prawns will be firm and slightly crispy when cooked

The prawn heads are so hard and sharp. Dunno how many times I've been pricked. I have new profound respect for the people who shell prawns for me, namely my father and my mother.

Argh! I really do not know why I wrote this post... =.=!

Plans

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:39:00 +0000

I promise myself I will never be like you.

Like how you have to be in charge of everything.

Do you know how hurt I am?

These are people dear to me, just like you.

But you seem to disregard them.

I understand I am precious to you.

I understand you try to let go.

I understand, I do.

But if I have to leave, then I have to leave.

You cannot keep me away forever.

They changed the plans to suit me too.

I hope you understand me like I understand you.

PS: And please don't be so high-strung, your blood pressure will rise.

Wanting

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:01:00 +0000

*Life is not as messed up as it seems

Listening to an aquaintance tell her story, I feel like I am a princess living in a perfect world. Mine is so much easier than hers. A world where I get am able to get the basics for living, whenever I need, whenever I want.

And yet, I am discontented.

I have always been selfish. Most of the time I am able to bend people to my will, some way or another. I get almost everything I want, almost. It's good that I don't have everything. I'm already as spoilt as I am now.

A person's 'wants' increases as time passes, unless they are sick or dying, and then their 'wants' decreases. You say you maybe contented, but there is a little voice in you complaining, asking, wanting.

I do try to be better. To push aside my wishes, to do what others want, instead of what I want. To make them happy, to override my emotions, my feelings. I still have breakdowns, and then I hurt like HELL!

Currently I am tending to two (identifiable) people's wants. I am beginning to doubt myself. Is this really the path I want to walk? Because if I had my way, I think I might not, would not, have chosen this road.

Probably this is for the best. I am definitely not bitter over this. I know life is difficult, life is challenging, and life is all about the experience, be it good or bad. I will take what life serves me, albeit full of complaints.

I hope you are happy, because deep down, this is I want you to be.

Chivalry

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 15:42:00 +0000

I was out last night, until 3am, and oh, chivalry isn't dead, did you know that?

Kean came around to pick me up, at about 11.30pm or so. We were supposed to meet another friend somewhere. So I was just waiting at the guard house of my condo, when he drove up. Guess what? He stopped and opened the car door for me to get in. I felt so nice. And I am still feeling good when I think about it now. Haha...

Before this, after my ex and me broke up, the only other a guy who opened a car door for me was Wei Shun. That time we were just leaving Sg Long, after the UTAR Sg Long Merdeka celebration. Robin was driving, and Wei Shun opened the back passenger seat door for me before getting into the front passenger seat himself.

Guys, just putting in a little more effort, a little more manners into how you treat a girl, and she will believe herself to be special. Even just a tiny subconcious act. Unless, of course, she takes everything for granted. A gentleman is difficult to find nowadays, based on what I've been hearing from people around me.

This is Kean

Ah Tok, the other guy in out 3-person gathering

Come to think of it

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 19:26:00 +0000

* Pics courtesy of John

Come to think of it, could my exam results be what I wished for in Sg Lembing Lao Zi Temple?

Dragon's tail

Entrance to the temple starting from the tail

I have forgotten how long the trail was through the dragon's body. We were told to walk and walk until we reached the dragon's mouth .

Exit from the dragon's mouth

Touch the pearl and make a wish

It is said that once you exit from the dragon's mouth, touch the pearl, make a wish and your wish will be granted.

I guess I can disclose what I asked for. I wanted to pass my exams, with good results, but the results need not be too good.

Wishes do come true after all.

"It is a common belief here that when one comes out from the Dragon’s mouth, one will be blessed with the mystical prowess of the dragon, and will therefore obtain good luck and fortune."

Conversations

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:57:00 +0000

Disclaimer:
This post is very vague.
I'll be using 'you' a lot, and please do not think I am talking about 'you'.
'You' consist of various friends whom I talk to.
These conversations are purely how I decipher 'your' words.

All these are actually connected to a single event. It's kinda difficult to see how, but after some thought, I figured it out. I shall start with the most recent conversation I had, which was last night.

You said, 'XX said XX'. Guess what? I had a horrible dream after that. Not that I blame you, it's purely my imagination that ran away, coupled with something another friend said. End result? Nightmare. But then, I have no say in what others do.

You said, 'humans are selfish, and for your own good, please 'insert action here', it's not easy, but you have to try'. Maybe I should let it go. I know where I stand now, but sometimes I just wonder. Will things be different? I am accoustomed to waiting. I have been waiting.

You asked me, 'what about you?', I said, 'nothing', and you said, 'nothing is good.' Maybe you're right. Nothing is good. I have freedom to do what I want. I was kinda sad that things didn't go your way, but since you seem optimistic, I'll just let it go, for the moment.

You asked me, 'how was your yam cha session the other day?'. It took me a full minute to figure out what you meant. It went well. I think we can actually be friends, contary to what people say. We have to, imagine how you guys would feel if we had a gathering and everyone feels awkward.

You told me, 'flirt all you want'. Frankly speaking, I don't exactly know how to flirt. And I don't know if I am. I just know that I like being around guys, and I'm comfortable around them. I need a crash course in flirting.

You said, 'girls will be jealous when you hang around guys too much'. I grew up around guys. My playmates were guys. I don't have many girl friends, even in primary or secondary school. In college and uni, also more guys than gals. I know of girls who get jealous, I'm sorry, but I can't do anything.

Various conversations date even further back. I am not sure if I am currently living for the past, present or the future. Sometimes I look into the future, and I see what I want to see. Other times, the past seems so much brighter.

There is no main point in this post. There are just too many things on my mind now. I want to get rid of them one by one.

You said, 'your blog is too wordy'. Yes it is, but I write to release, and if I can capture, that's good. When I write, I do not have to face an actual person to say what I want to say. Another reason why I have a bigger open-self in MSN. Why I reveal more.

That's all at the moment, time to move on to other things.

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:45:00 +0000

I have so much that I want to write about, I do not know where to start.

All I know is, I thank my friends for the good times that we had so far, because I do not know how much longer these times can last. This is a very confusing period in my life, not only due to my future studies, but also in relationships, be it friend or family. I am still trying to find myself, to understand myself, and to be myself, instead of some fake person who shows others what they want to see, and not who I really am.

Change in the tide

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:40:00 +0000

It's funny how the best laid plans are never set in stone. Our environment is constantly changing, whether we notice it or not. The subtle alterations in our microenvironment. Maybe just a twitch of our facial muscle, and the outcome of the something, anything, might be totally different.

I, or rather, me and my friends, went for a meeting with this company, MedKlinn, who wants us to do clinical studies on their product, iOsis. The meeting was all about how to use the product, and what they expect from the clinical studies that they hoped we would do for our Masters.

iOsis by Medklinn
*This is not an advertistment*

Let's start at the beginning of the story. Bioscience in UTAR is located in Kampar campus, meaning us bioscience students, have to relocate to Kampar. There were mixed feelings about this. Two of us wanted to stay in KL, one wanted to leave KL, one couldn't care less where she was. My supervisor was quite reluctant to travel to Kampar.

Anyway, we pulled ourselves together, and started focusing on The Big Move. We had planned on our accomodation *we were to stay together*, we had planned on our transportation *we had a car*, we had planned on a lot of things. Well, maybe Kampar could be fun, you know, with friends and all.

Then, this meeting came up. And now it seems, we don't even have to go into the lab. It's clinical studies. We do not have any lab work, all the lab work is done by hospital labs or private labs, since all we need is regular blood test results from patients. Completely all field work.

Where do we get these patients? In hospitals. Which hospitals do we get patients from all walks of life? KL hospitals. So we're back here. Again, mixed feelings about this. We have already gotten used to the idea of going to Kampar, and we have to adjust ourselves to the thought of staying back.

This might change again, depending on which direction the wind blows. For now, we haven't even submitted our proposals yet, there are still too many questions to be asked, and nothing is answered. It's exciting, yes, but at the same time, it's scary, it's overwhelming, it's confusing. When will the wind be just right? When do I set sail?

The tide turns every six hours. I have to push off soon. Wish me luck in making the right decisions.

朋友变情人再变朋友

noreply@blogger.com (Më| §zë) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 01:21:00 +0000

It was nice to see you again, although I had my doubts that we would ever be friends. Actually, there was nothing much to talk about, my part consisted more of giving you directions on how to drive around Setapak, Bukit Bintang and KLCC. And maybe a little on uni, that's all.

I've recovered, but it's still a little awkward, that's why I was rather happy with CK joined us. Listening to the both of you crapping in 福州, made me long for the days gone by. I will not say it's great that we are friends, but it's a good start. I don't hate you for hurting me so much.

One week to the day when you broke up with me.

Happy aniversary.