Hurt

It's funny how it can hurt so much, when I'm asleep, until it wakes me up, and I can't close my eyes again, because the same scene will be playing over and over. No matter how I try to turn off my mind, it still comes back. I tell myself it is none of my business, and everyone has their own right, but that doesn't comfort me one bit. I do not want to think anymore about it, but there is nothing else for me to take my mind off things at the moment. I am still waiting for an email that determines my future. I want to focus on that, but what am I supposed to do when I'm waiting? That's when hurt comes in. I was so busy the past few weeks, I had so little time for my thoughts. It is a shield, being occupied, a shield to protect me from myself. I have a good imagination, sometimes too good, that I think too much, analyze too much.

I don't want to hurt, but, without the hurt, I don't think I can feel alive. Pain, and hurt, to me, it makes me feel, I am still living.