Think of me

Think of me, think of me foldly
When we've said goodbye
Remember me, once in a while
Please promise me you'll try...

**********

My life is great.
I'm just pouring out my feelings, so please don't worry too much about me.
I can handle it.
If you are concern about me, thank you very much.
It means a lot to me.
I know I keep bugging people a lot, and I'm sorry.
But I really need to let out.
So help me please.
I need closure and assurance.

**********

This chapter in my life is closing soon. My friends have heard me mention this gazillion times, and yes, I'm going to say it again, I wish I didn't have to go. It's just been a few days, and I'm miss everyone already. It's getting lonely at home.

I know many of you think I am strong, but inside I might be breaking into pieces, and you would not know it. However, I will make myself strong, because I don't think you guys would like to see me down and broken.

Maybe I do wallow in self-pity. A sort of martyr. But I'd do anything in my capability for my friends. Anything. Even travelling to and fro KL for a friend's birthday and risking a major scolding from my mum. Well, hasn't happened yet, but I'll do it.

Why the emphasis on my friends? My friends are the world to me. I don't know how much I mean to them, but they certainly are priceless on my part. Even those who I didn't contact this semester. I'm sorry, but I just didn't have the time.

I'd choose to do my Masters in UTAR, just to be here with you, and you, and you, but I'll probably be transferred to Kampar, and I don't want that. But I think I'll have a little difficulty in the other unis, I'm not exactly a very good student. In terms of studies.

Someone said, now virtual friends network ma. I say, face-to-face always beats virtual everytime. I need the physical contact. I can't live in a faceless, virtual world. It's just not natural. I need the intimacy, the touching, the feeling.

My friends have been really supportive, telling me they'll come out for gatherings, but I know better. Everyone has their schedule. I can't and don't expect them to drop everything just for me. Although I really hope there is a day where everyone can meet.

I am not prepared for this, even though I've been reminding myself over the semester that good things come to an end. It's a childish thought, wanting to hold on to the present when I know I have to move on. Somehow, knowing and actually doing it, are two different things.

Thank you Ms Ong, Kok Sheng, Kelvin, Teck Wei, Ken, Kheng Hooi, Khai Shen, Sally, Pei Seen, Yi Gang, Peat Ming, Hon Sern, Cheu Chyong, Kee Chean and more. You guys made me do many new things which I haven't done before. Many first times this semester. I really treasure the moments.

Maybe it is time to cheer up. And look forward to what the future has to offer. But the past is what shaped me, and I can't and won't give that up. I'll be waiting to see what happens. What will happen.

Pic by Seen
The sun will still rise, no matter where we are.
Time keeps flowing, we have to keep up with it.

**********

Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade
They have their seasons, so do we
But please promise me that sometimes
You will think of me...