Today's my first paper. I am not sure how prepared I am. Looking at the past year papers, well, I can give most of the points, although not exactly word by word. But unfortunately, my lecturer wants word by word, which is something I am having difficulty right now.

Almost everyone around me has been feeling blue. Is this some kind of bug? Is it catching? How curable is it? Because I've been having it throughout the whole semester. 14 weeks. Crap weeks for studies. And I've been really sick for 3 of those weeks. Thank goodness it was just normal sickness.

I do think this 'blue' bug is transmissible. Even my friends in other unis have contracted it. Coupled with stress, most people go around wearing masks. Those that use to wear their heart on their sleeves, have retracted into their shells. People like me, who are already in their shells, close up the openings and hide away, refusing to come out.

However, there are things and people for me to be grateful towards:

My WFC committee-who taught me leadership

My friends in SRC-who taught me how difficult it is to be working for people who mostly don't really appreciate what is being done and also the importance of really working together as a team

My darling cousins Ming Hui and Ming Wai-who baby me throughout one weekend when I was really down

DSA officers-who I didn't know were so crazy *grins*

My hometown friends-although I only met you people once, it feels like home, like how it felt before time in KL

Chow Kong-who ferries me to and fro GK and 熟到烂 friend

Sook Fong-who knows me when I didn't know myself

Sim, Kelvin-who listened to me rant and rave about my thesis

My housemates-who keep being noisy and smiling throughout the whole semester, letting me know there is still life even though we're all rushing for time

My parents-who keep coming to KL to see me and Ming Sern despite their hectic schedule, and bringing me lots of food, esp chicken essence

Wei Jie-who made me feel that my ideas are still valued

My thesis-which made me work hard, harder than I ever had

My W595-which made me appreciate how hard I had to save up for it

My trusty laptop-which *thankfully* didn't crash on me

Ok. Enough of the gratitude. Time to crawl back and hide away. Bring out the poker face. I'm back to my original state.

I've made up my mind to meet him. Now, I need an escape route, just in case. I'm both excited and nervous. I'm confused. I'm afraid. I can still back out though, if I want. I'm scared. But I don't want to. At least, I don't think I want to. There's no point in thinking too much right? Like Ken said, 'at least your ex still wants to meet you, unlike mine.'

One thing is for sure, there will be no reconciliation with him. He has already stated it very explicitly during the break up. I don't mind.

I miss my Tango.

Right now, exam first. No more distractions. Wish me luck, tonnes of luck.